When I Loved Him
by Clever Fox
Summary: After five long years, Harry and Ginny meet each other once again; But sometimes even true love can't conquer all...


**When I Loved Him**   
  


He was back. Five long years spent in the battlefield, but now he was here with me. His intense green eyes sparkled happily when he noticed me. My heart beat rapidly; I couldn't bring myself to believe my eyes. Taking no notice to the slightly injured third-year moaning in the hospital bed beside me, I dropped my wand, and ran toward my old friend.   


"Harry..." I felt my eyes filling with tears of joy. He just stared at me, a look of mixed emotions on his tired face.   


"How long has it been, Ginny? Five years, six maybe?" he stroked my cheek fondly, his green eyes taking in my features.   


"It's been five years. No, actually, five years, two months, and sixteen days..." I smiled up at him, but my vision was partly blinded by my tears. Harry wiped away a tear with his finger.   


"Er, Professor...?" I turned around, startled. It was the third-year. I almost laughed. I hadn't even realized that someone else was in the room.   


"Harry, why don't you wait for me in my room? I'll be up in a few minutes." I smiled softly, and Harry nodded. He headed towards the door, but his longing gaze never left me.   


I clumsily mended the student's wound with a healing spell, though it was difficult for me to concentrate. Everyone had said that Harry had most likely died fighting; after all, he had been 'missing in action' for more than three years. But now here he was, at Hogwarts castle with me.   


After showing the student out of the Infirmary, I practically raced up to my room, lest Harry have disappeared again. But there he was; sitting in an armchair, looking at the pictures on the walls. Even after I came in, he continued to stare at one picture particularly intensely. I followed his line of vision up to the large wedding picture hanging above my bed.   


"You've married," Harry commented dully.   


"Yes... I_ am_ married, actually," I said, as I fidgeted with my wedding ring, nervously.   


"The groom seems familiar... Honestly, is he someone I used to know?" Harry squinted as if to urge the picture to become clearer.   


"Actually, you do know him... He was a friend of yours, Harry. Can't you remember?" I felt rather nervous for some reason. But I couldn't figure out why. All the same, I continued to fidget with my wedding band.   


"I don't recall knowing anyone like that...? And yet he's so familiar..." Harry frowned in confusion, then looked at me questioningly. "Go on then, tell me; who's the lucky man?"   


"Oh, Harry! It's Neville!" I felt upset and flushed, though there really wasn't any reason for me to at the time.   


"By Merlin! Neville Longbottom? My, he's changed..." Harry studied the picture curiously for a few moments, apparently finding it fascinating. "I see that he's not quite the plump, clumsy boy he used to be."   


"I- I... Harry...? You aren't angry, are you?" I lowered my eyes, avoiding Harry's gaze.   


"Why would I be angry? Everyone thought I was dead; even I myself almost believed so at a time. You did the right thing. You wouldn't have been happy waiting alone for a man so close to death." he laughed, but his laugh sounded almost hollow. I felt my heart ache for him. I realized that I should have waited for him, but I couldn't reverse things any longer.   


I decided to change the subject; for Harry's sake also, but more for my own. "Harry... everyone thought you had... died. Where were you during all that time?" I grabbed his hand tightly, without actually realizing it at the time.   


"Lost. Both literally, and figuratively speaking. I received quite a blow from a Death Eater while fighting. The effects of the curse damaged my mind greatly; I had amnesia for a while, but after being tended to I slowly regained my memory again." Harry's voice sounded bitter, and his hand stiffened as he spoke.   


"Why did you go, Harry? Why couldn't you have stayed with me?" I felt tears filling my eyes once again. I was so weak that it even annoyed me. "I- I missed you..."   


"Neville didn't go out to fight, did he?" Harry asked almost sorrowfully. I just shook my head.   


"He's working here as the Herbology professor. You can go see him later," I said, gently lifting my hand off of Harry's. I had almost told Harry that I still loved him, but had caught myself in time. For a married woman shouldn't be saying such things to old lovers.   


Harry stared at me. I felt rather uncomfortable under his gaze. But what happened next, surprised me greatly. Harry suddenly leaned forward, and placed a hand onto my face. He brought his face to mine, and kissed me. I was startled at the touch of his lips. It was only my third time kissing him. He had only courted me for a very short time before he left to fight.   


I felt myself kissing him back, but then realized what I was doing._ 'Neville would be absolutely heartbroken if he knew...'_ I quickly broke off from the kiss, although I felt horrible. Harry gazed at me, looking partly sorry and partly longing.   


"Ginny... I didn't mean to..." he lowered his eyes quickly, but his hand was still clasped in mine. I gently placed a finger to his lips to silence him.   


"Perhaps you should go to Dumbledore's office. He'll probably want to see you immediately; the old wizard was deeply hurt by the rumours of your death, you know," I said, trying hurriedly to change the subject.   


"Yes, perhaps I should leave now." Harry's eyes were filled with pain, but he kept his face emotionless as he rose from his seat. "Farewell then, Ginny. It was wonderful seeing you again."   


I knew the meaning of his farewell. I wanted so much to cry out 'Don't say goodbye! I love you, Harry!', but it was already too late for words like that. They didn't hold much meaning any more.   


As I watched him about to depart, a tear slid down my cheek. He looked back at me once more as to take in my features for the last time before leaving. And I knew that this time, his farewell was for ever. I could only bring myself to utter one simple, but heart-breaking statement before he closed the door behind him,   


"I loved you, Harry. I really did."   
  
  


THE END   
  
  
  
  
  
  


A/N: It's short and silly, yes. But I wrote it at midnight so don't blame me^^;   


Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended. All characters and background belong to J.K. Rowling.   
  
  
  
  



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